the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
