I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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