piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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