so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
