Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
