my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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