I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
