I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
