first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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