I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
