I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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