Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
