It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
