Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The cops high fived after they tackled you
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
