I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
