Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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