i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
