yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I will be naked everywhere
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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