I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
