never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
