I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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