I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
