im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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