please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
