woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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