I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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