i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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