Im at strip club and am horny
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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