Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
