I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
