I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
