The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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