Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
