My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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