I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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