I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
