I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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