I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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