You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
