Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
