Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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