I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
