Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
