i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
