Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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