That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
