yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
