oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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