The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
