Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
