You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
