Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
