apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
