I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wish you could order shots online.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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