I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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